Life Real Life

Let’s talk pick-up lines

24th August 2016
Let's talk pick up lines

Guys, are ya’ll ready to be entertained by my single status?

To clarify, I’m not going to advice you on how to pick up a guy. Nine out of ten times I have no clue what I’m doing. I’m just winging it! That’s if I muster up enough courage to step up to one in the first place. Instead this post is all about the pick-up lines I’ve had the pleasure to endure. During a catch up session with one of my closest friends, the topic of flirting came up. She seemed to be amused by my ‘pain’, so I figured you guys might be as well. No fun in keeping it all to ourselves, right?

Before we get started, let’s be fair and applaud the guys for trying. Also, just because I don’t think these might work, doesn’t mean another girl won’t fall head over heels for one of them. These are just the top eight that were memorable for the all the wrong reason, in my opinion 😉

Nr. 1: Mama Africa/African Queen

This one usually comes up when they figure out that I’m from Rwanda. Most of the guys who’ve used this pick-up line have never heard of that country, and if they have, their only knowledge of it is that it’s located somewhere in Africa. So they proceed to call me mama Africa/African queen for the rest of the short-lived conversation insert major eye-roll here. It’s overly clear that they use it to prove their so called knowlegde of Africa or to make a point & that strips all the value of this, otherwise beautiful, nickname. Turning it into a huge annoyance.

Amber Rose!Nr. 2:  You look like Amber Rose!

Ever since shaving my head, men have exchanged the traditional ways of catcalling to shouting ‘Amber Rose’ whenever I walk by and I just don’t get it. This is not an insult to Amber Rose, because I truly think she is a beautiful women inside and out but for the life of me, besides the bald head, how one could possibly mistake me for her twin! Might I suggest an eye check?

Nr. 3: Insinuation of vast monatary wealth.

The pick-up lines that used here vary from ‘I’m work with *insert famous artist name here*’ to the amount of mentions regarding the cost of ones outfit, car, house etc’. I have no problem with having pride in what you’ve accomplished but if the first three senteces are all about how wealthy you are or how important your job is, my interest will die with the ending of your sentence. I mean, would you really want my interest in you to be solely based on how rich you are? I didn’t think so.

Nr. 4: Can you cook/so when are you planning on cooking for me?

Funny thing, I actually do love to cook and I have great confidence in my cooking. However, it just irks me when men insinuates that the mere existence of my female body-parts should automatically be tied to great cooking skills and that I should be dying to prove this. What about your own cooking skills? Why don’t you cook for me?  What if I can’t/won’t cook, does that automatically makes me less attractive? Ugh, I just can’t.

Nr. 5: Let’s chill/hang

So those that make it to actually discussing plans of a date usually lose my interest with this sentence. I mean, what does it mean, chill/hang? Also, I’d like to do something on a date, especially in the first stages of dating where the goal is to get to know eachother. I mean I’m not asking for much, just a couple of simple ideas or a idea for that matter. Drinks, coffee, a walk in the park, anything but ‘let’s chill’. Eh, I’ll pass!

Nr. 6: Unsolicitated nude pick

Clearly and thankfully, this one only occurs through social media. Nonetheless, a huge turn off. I’ve never come across a girl who was happy to receive a surprise dick pick. Honestly, why do men still think this works? What’s the goal behind it? Has this ever worked? If you have the  answer, do comment because that’s a legit question! I just find them absolutely shocking. I might be eating and that would be the last thing I’d want to see. On the other hand, cutos to those who dare. You must be really confident with what’s hanging because the worst case senario is dissapointment in what’s actually there…

Nr. 7: Inecessively reffering to my derriere

I’m well aware it’s presence doesn’t need an anouncement and I’m not ashamed of it so I’ll gladly take a compliment Let's talk pick up linesor two. However if you haven’t found anything else worth mentioning during our conversation, clearly I’m not the one you want to date. If I could, I’d let you date my ass by it self, but it’s a package deal so if I don’t like you neither will she. Pretty sure the view of me walking away will do just fine 😉

Nr. 8: Not accepting NO for an answer

Now this usually occurs at the end of a conversation, short or long. Unfortunately enough men still refuse to acknowlegde the word NO which is why I find it worth mentioning. I long for the day where a simple no will suffice, but experience has thought me to have a back up ready just in case. So to all those thinking a friend was my boyfriend. Figured I’m not a lesbian or who got home only to realise I gave them the wrong nr. I tried to be honest and just say no, but you wouldn’t let me. Sorry not sorry!

Let’s keep the fun going so comment below the weird/crazy/ridiculous pick up lines you’ve had to endure!

-xoxo-

Alida

 

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14 Comments

  • Reply Keeks 24th August 2016 at 16:24

    Hahaha this was def entertaining and made me miss all those times you were catcalled in South Africa! Thank you for sharing, love.

    • Reply LMA 25th August 2016 at 05:22

      Girl! This comment made me miss all our times together! Remember the stalker? Sure don’t miss that ?

  • Reply Caroline 24th August 2016 at 16:38

    ?? tell them like it is babe.

    • Reply LMA 25th August 2016 at 05:23

      Someone has to right???

  • Reply Fleur 24th August 2016 at 16:51

    That NO, they just hear it, but yet they refuse to hear it!

    • Reply LMA 25th August 2016 at 05:23

      Very annoying!?

  • Reply Sérènity 24th August 2016 at 17:44

    I cant explain how brilliant this article is!
    Sooo on point! Literally laughed my ass off!

    • Reply LMA 25th August 2016 at 05:24

      Ahh thank you! I’m happy you enjoyed it!?

  • Reply Delphine 24th August 2016 at 20:54

    Haha really love this article… Once I said no and that person got angry and turned on me saying well your ugly ass should be thankful I even bothered !!! Alas some people can’t handle not getting what they want ?

    • Reply LMA 25th August 2016 at 05:26

      Happy to hear that! I can totally relate, as if you asked them to harass you in the first place ??

  • Reply Natacha Abingeneye 25th August 2016 at 03:14

    Hilarious how on point!! ??????

    • Reply LMA 25th August 2016 at 05:26

      Happy you enjoyed it!

  • Reply Chrycka Harper 9th September 2016 at 19:29

    A very needed article. My favorite is “you gotta boyfriend?” Why does that matter? What makes you think we will get that far? And what if I do have one, can we start with friendship?

    • Reply LMA 10th September 2016 at 22:54

      Right? Also why does harassment only need to stop once you hear I do have a boyfriend? Why isn’t my reply enough? ?? I hope that through awareness this will become a thing of the past ??

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